I am really thankful for who I am, where I am and what I am doing now, although it is not the best but I am truly grateful for everything happened in these years.
My last post was posted 2018, this time I decided to record down my thoughts in english (To future me: please bear with my bad grammar) and probably I will mix with mandarin at some part of this post.
I feel that writing blog is like writing letters to the future self. I hope that when I read this post in future, I will be encourage and be reminded of the good/ not so good things that happened in this season of my life.
So many things had happened in the past 6 months of 2020. I supposed the pandemic COVID-19 is one the most unexpected and least wanted event that crushed into this world. Yes, a pandemic that change the world.
It had changed so many peoples life and the way we work or live. I would never expect that I can work from home, can't go back to Johor to visit my family (MCO & Circuit breaker), can't go out to meet friends, can't attend church's service, and etc. It really makes me think about "what's really matters in life?".
"What's really matters in life?"
Money? Success? Beautiful cars/ house? Amazing job? Luxury outfit?
or
Family? Time? Health? Friends?
I am thankful that
1. I am still have a job to work at home, so I can still help my family to lighten their financial's burden. (The stability in life)
2. I have a very friendly and nice landlord that always offer me meals during the circuit breaker season. (Unexpected blessings)
3. I have friends that really love and care for me genuinely. (Friendships)
4. I have more time to think & read the bible, watch sermons, and eventually draw closer to God. (Solitude time with God)
5. Someone had appeared in my life for 2.5 months and taught me alot of lessons. (Relationship experience)
The someone (I will use J to replace) is the reason that took me here to express my thoughts.
hahaha 果然无事不登三宝殿.
I met J on a dating app and we click quite well even though we had a totally different personality ESFP & INTJ. I am amazed by how he can reply to my every messages and how INTJ he is (in a good way). They say opposite attracts I guess that's how it work.
To be honest, I never thought I will be attracted to NT personality person again because of a "failed" experience. Surprisingly, I was so attracted and enjoyed in the differences of our personality, yet similar in our values. I like how J-ness he is, and he might not be the smartest but yet he is humble and always crave for knowing more. Very detailed and specific to things (like finance, and his spreadsheets). Hold strong ground to those he belief on especially faith. Not really good in dressing up but yet very down to earth and open to new changes/ challenges in life (like changing hairstyle, which I was more conservative of). I like how honest and confident he is. His willingness in sharing his stories also encouraged me to be open up to him and I felt secured to reveal the real side of me.
Even though it didn't ended as how I expected to be (which I had set a high expectation on the outcome) and this was the furthest and deepest level of "rls" in my life so far.
I am still thankful for these 2.5 months that we had together as friends and maybe good friends.
J has challenge & inspire me to be a better person and I am desire to dig deeper in words of God. The differences in our personality had gave me new perspectives to handle things in life. Introduced the best movie that I had ever watched in my life "The Shawshank's Redemption". Thanks for the food packs and drove down from your place to passed it to me. Thanks for sacrificed so many nights spending time with me and chat through Zoom. Thanks for letting me know that I be someone light in the darkness. I have learned that how we should obey God's will instead of our own's flesh. One thing that inspired me the most is the decision to guard your heart and eyes and stay away from all things that might not please God. Which is one of the struggle that I repent, submit to God, put under the light and got set free from, life changing decision (still in progress)!
Perhaps I shouldn't conclude this experience as a failure, but "success" because I have gain so much and love is really let go and Let God. I still feel sad and hard to accept the fact that we do have attractions towards each other but it was not a right timing. However, I know that God has a greater plan for both of us and we choose to obey God.
Isaiah 55:8
I know that God will never abandon me and His promise for me is still Yes & Amen! :)
And to answer my previous question "What's truly matters in life?"
The only thing I need and I want is you Jesus. Nothing in this world can compare with Your presence and no love is greater than Your love!
J thanks for all the sweet and happy memories that you have brought into my life during this circuit breaker period (March-June 6, 2020). I will pray and wish the best for you always. :')
Thank You, Jesus!
below is something that I want myself to remember, wrote by one of my lovely and brave cg friend. :D
